Saturday, April 28, 2012

With Slick Willard, Republicans Are About To Nominate Thurston Howell The Third For President

By Manifesto Joe

I confess to being a little stunned when I read what Slick Willard Romney's advice was for young Americans struggling with the job market: Take risks, and don't be shy about borrowing money from your parents.

Um, it's a great big world out there, Willard, and not everybody has a trust fund. What if your parents are dead, or what if they are actually worse off than you are?

The slick one's example was Jimmy John of the renowned sandwich chain, who he said borrowed $20,000 from his parents and started a swell new business that's now a multimillion-dollar enterprise. Like wow, Willard! If my parents had ever had $20,000 to lend me, I could have gone to an Ivy League school and become part of the elite, too! Forget about the entrepreneurship, let's go with what's tried and tested and proven. One of those Harvard or Yale degrees can get you a pretty far piece, from what I've seen.

Another example, one that Slick Willard's wife was supposed to have brought up in an old interview, was that Slick sold some stocks that Daddsy bought for him so that he and wifey could live while they were college students.

Man, too bad I couldn't have sold my stock and traded it in for a meal ticket at the college cafeteria! But, man does not live by Frito pie alone.

To turn more serious, what keeps coming up here is Slick Willard's total disengagement from how the vast majority of people, even reasonably affluent Americans, have to live. From what I've read, Daddsy George had his ups and downs as a youth, and had to do a bit of his share of ass-busting to get ahead in life. But it doesn't appear that he communicated any of this to Sonny Mitt.

I'm not completely confident about this situation, because the American people were stupid enough to "elect" Il Doofus, and his daddy, too. But Romney seems to have a total disconnect with life as it has to be lived by us commoners. The Republicans will nominate him at their own peril.

Manifesto Joe Is An Underground Writer Living In Texas.

Monday, April 23, 2012

Geekus Doesn't Get Why Dogs Have Become A Big Campaign Issue

By G.M.

Dudes and dude-ettes, don't get me wrong. It's not like I don't love dogs. I have one for breakfast every day! (Just kidding, PETA fanatics!)

But like, now, all of a sudden, dogs are a big deal in this presidential campaign. Mitt Romney apparently strapped one in on the roof of his car when he was on vacation, then freaked out when brown seep started coming down on his windshield. Like, you couldn't have figured on that happening, after 14 hours?

And then, the Republicans found something in Obama's book about his younger life in which he says he ate stuff like dog and grasshoppers and such, at the urging of his Indonesian stepdad. Dog was sort of tough, and he reported that the grasshoppers are a little crunchy.

Please, please, people, get a life. An 8-year-old kid is going to eat anything that Daddy puts in front of him. As for Mitt Romney, that didn't sound too good, but a common thing among rednecks (yes, they have them in the North, too) is that they don't regard animals as similar to people in any way. You know, like, they're just these idiot things with absolutely no feelings. But, it's not like Mitt would be the first presidential hopeful who ever had that attitude about stuff. There must have been plenty of others. How else could you get elected? -- GM

Sunday, April 22, 2012

For Geekus Maleekus, One More Boring Saturday Night

By G.M.

Dudes and dude-ettes, things just aren't what they used to be here on Planet Grapevine, especially on Saturday nights.

I used to be able to score lots of bitchin weed, but my source got busted, so now I have to settle for MD 20/20. Bummer.

The politics and shit used to be more interesting, too. I used to get cracked up when Bush would say all those stupid things. We just don't have any good fools to put on Wolf Blitzer's TV show anymore.

I mean, look at the people who are going to end up running for president. Obama is just too fucking polished. Everything he says sounds like he's practically had a chance to see video of it first. And then there's Mitt, the Arrow shirt dude. I used to enjoy watching those debates, back when it looked like Al Gore was actually walking over to Bush and acting like he was going to start punching him out and shit. The debates between these two, this fall, are going to be, like, serious yawners. No good sound bites, no UFC action, nothing.

Ron Paul sometimes acts like he's going to start some kind of shit, but he's too old and wimpy. When he gets excited, his voice gets as high as my grandma's. And Newt's just too fat. The only kind of fight he could win would be as the captain of the GOP Eating Team.

Clinton was fun to have around, because you never knew who it would come out that he'd porked. I don't remember times being so bad while he was president. I could get plenty of good weed back then, and Wolf Blitzer's show was always a lot more interesting, at least if you were stoned. But Clinton's not on the tube much anymore, and Hillary just isn't up to being a summer replacement. That woman was just too set on being valedictorian of every fucking thing to be very interesting. Although, it was funny to see her swilling a brewski and cutting up down in South America. That was the most fun I've ever seen Hillary have.

Ted Nugent used to be a bitchin guitar hero, but he's too redneck now. And way too serious.

Another boring Saturday night on Planet Grapevine. -- GM

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Introducing Joe's New Contributor: Geekus Maleekus

By G.M.

Hey, dudes. I guess I'd better introduce myself. I don't spell too good, but Joe takes care of that for me.

I was born in 1976 in Grapevine, Texas. I graduated from high school with a 2.01 GPA. I was high most of the time, but I do remember seeing that movie of Hamlet with Mel Gibson. At least I didn't have to read the fucking Shakespeare book. Mel's pretty cool, as long as he stays off those Christian snuff movies. It was pretty boring watching that Jesus dude getting fucked over, hours upon hours.

I got an associate's degree in computer science from the local community college. Worked for a while as a tech, fixing PCs, then got fired. Moved back in with Mom and Dad, and spent most of my unemployment checks on piercings and tattoos. Everybody says they're most cool.

I know how to do computer viruses and other cool shit like that. I will gladly fuck up your computer Tuesday for a hamburger today.

More later, dudes. -- GM

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Why Isn't Ted Nugent In Jail Now?

By Manifesto Joe

I don't seriously believe that Ted Nugent ought to be in jail now, because that would confer on him martyr status that he doesn't deserve.

But it's a question to ponder, since the heavy-metal bad boy turned NRA poster boy seems to have threatened the president of the United States during time of war.

Columnist LZ Granderson of put it this way:

Nugent's words were: "If Barack Obama is elected, I'll either be dead or in jail this time next year," which sounds to me like he's open to directing his disapproval of Obama in a way that is violent and unlawful. When you see that statement next to Nugent comparing Obama and his colleagues to coyotes that needed to be shot, as well as the need to "ride into that battlefield and chop their heads off in November," I don't see how that rant cannot be looked upon as a threat on the president's life.

Here's a link to the entire commentary.

Not much has generally happened to people in cases like this before. But it's worth noting that in 2007, a federal judge refused to throw out a case in which an Indian national was alleged to have urged the assassination of then-President George W. Bush and threatened other administration officials. Here's a link to that story.

In that case, Vikram Buddhi was sentenced to 57 months in prison.

Perhaps as scandalous as the double standard that may lurk here is the wishy-washy response from Slick Willard Romney's presidential campaign. Nugent has endorsed Slick Willard despite the latter's support for an assault-weapons ban while he was governor of Massachusetts. Nugent explained that at the time, Romney wasn't in America, he was in Massachusetts.

"Divisive language is offensive no matter what side of the political aisle it comes from," said Romney spokesperson Andrea Saul. "Mitt Romney believes everyone needs to be civil."

Here's a link to a Washington Post commentary, with more detail on exactly what Nugent said.

Again, I wouldn't want Nugent to have the kind of martyr status he would have if he's charged with a crime over his remarks. But it may be a question worth pondering.

Manifesto Joe Is An Underground Writer Living In Texas.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Allen West Proves That Joe McCarthy Still Lives!

By Manifesto Joe

Preface: Glad to be back online. Was down with PC issues for over a month. What has the experience taught me? I'll summarize. Outsourcing is one of the most evil and STOOPID things Corporate America ever did, especially where computers are concerned. You people may have thought you were being smart, getting foreign help on the cheap, but it's ended up costing you. There are plenty of Americans who need jobs, and outsourcing just ends up costing the big boys lots of money through poor customer service. But: People don't like to admit when they've made mistakes, and therefore many corporations are still stubbornly pushing ahead with their bad past decisions. Dudes and dude-ettes, it was a monumental fuckup! Please, please, admit it, at long last. And most importantly, CHANGE.

Now, on to the subject.

Rep. Allen West, R-Florida, is a freshman lawmaker who is also a Tea Party poster child. He alleges that somewhere around 80 House Democrats are communists.

Even the actual communists themselves thought that this was absurdly moronic. Here's a link to what they had to say about this:

Click here!

I may be dating myself here -- I'm 55, going on 56 years old. Joe McCarthy was even before my time -- he died of a pickled liver when I was about a year old. But old Joe cast an enormous shadow over Cold War politics of the era. The consensus of hindsight is that, no, he wasn't wrong about EVERYTHING. There was a certain amount of Soviet espionage that reached some higher levels of the U.S. government. (My wife had an uncle who worked for the CIA, and from what he said, it's not like this wasn't working two ways.)

But, McCarthy's foolish allegations were always empty of evidence, and they were always changing. Was it 205 commies in the State Department? Or was it 57? How about 81? He was tossing enough numbers around to have a fair chance at winning the Mega Millions.

The astonishing thing here is that, well over 20 years after the end of the Cold War, we have a fool in the U.S. House who is enough of a shithead to re-enact the follies of Joe McCarthy.

One of the disheartening things about the contemporary U.S. political scene is that we DON'T have any significant radical left here anymore. I've never been much of a joiner, so I'm not a person who could ever be counted in. But given what's been happening in U.S. society at large for over three decades, and especially what's been happening since 2001, there damned sure ought to be a lot more firey, ready-for-battle types out there. The "Occupy" movement is the closest thing we've seen to that, and it seems to be in a nadir right now.

There are no Vito Marcantonios in Congress right now. Bernie Sanders says he's a socialist, "little s," and he's the closest thing we have. And it was questionable that even an old lefty like Vito was a real commie. People speculated that he was, but I don't think there was ever any solid evidence.

What we're seeing here is the electability of right-wing half-wits to high office. Not that the far, far left has never had any half-wits, but when was the last time you heard of one of them getting elected to truly high office? (And please, right-wing kooks, don't suggest Obama. The far left doesn't claim him, and never has. Anybody who thinks Obama is a "socialist" doesn't know what one is. Plus, if you think that a constitutional scholar like Obama is some kind of village idiot, what does that suggest about you?)

No, there are no Marcantonios -- but, it would appear, plenty of Joe McCarthys. Allen West proves that Tail Gunner Joe lives!

A postscript -- I'm going to miss Sanitarium!

Not that there was ever any doubt in my mind that the dude is batshit crazy -- but the Republican show is going to be much more boring without Sanitarium. On a purely personal level, he was always a much more engaging candidate than Slick Willard, the guy who forever reminds you of that well-groomed little Sunday School boy that everybody detested. Rick's demented, but he always came across like a regular guy who actually believed all that far-right Catholic bullshit.

It's going to be a much duller "race" without Sanitarium.

Manifesto Joe Is An Underground Writer Living In Texas.