An Independent Texas Would Be A Third-World Country

By Manifesto Joe

The jokes about Gov. Rick Perry's veiled threat of Texas secession have faded into collective memory now, but a few of us were given pause to consider the "what ifs" about this.

What if Texas legally could, and did, leave the United States?

If these figures available courtesy of Texas state Sen. Eliot Shapleigh, D-El Paso, are any barometer, we would be little more than a Third-World country.

Here are some nuggets from the senator's Web site about Texas' standing when stacked up in 2007 against the other 49 states:

Percentage of Uninsured Children
1st

Income Inequality Between the Rich and the Poor
2nd

Percentage of Population without Health Insurance
1st

Scholastic Assessment Test (SAT) Scores
47th

Percentage of Population over 25 with a High School Diploma
50th

Percentage of Non-Elderly Women with Health Insurance
50th

Rate of Women Aged 40+ Who Receive Mammograms
44th

Rate of Women Aged 18+ Who Receive Pap Smears
47th

Cervical Cancer Rate
5th

Women's Voter Registration
43rd

Women's Voter Turnout
49th

Percentage of Eligible Voters that Vote
44th

For more on the subject, go here.

And the coup de grase: The president of our great reborn republic would apparently be (you guessed it) Rick Perry, he of the 2.3 GPA as an animal husbandry graduate of Texas A&M.

Am I sure that a dolt like Perry would be somebody that an independent Texas would actually elect as its president? I suppose nothing in this life is truly certain, but a recent piece of evidence points to this as the case.

Perry has been governor since Il Doofus resigned in December 2000 to go on to bigger and more horrific things, and Perry is finally facing his first serious challenge for re-election, from U.S. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison, R-Texas. Hutch is almost certain to go through with a challenge in the 2010 Republican Primary.

There's one big problem with her chances. She's regarded as a moderate (chortle) in this state, and the Texas Republican Party still wants the U.S. to unleash Chiang Kai-shek's skeletal remains on the mainland of Red China.

A poll conducted jointly by the Texas Politics Project and the University of Texas' department of government had Perry with a 12-percentage-point lead over Hutch, 38-26. Let's face it, the 'necks will go to the polls for Governor Goodhair, not for Kay Bailey H.

And although Democrats here have made a few admirable gains in recent years, they are still in a shambles when it comes to having a viable challenger for governor. The undecideds are way ahead among Democrats; but among those potential voters who have made up their minds, the poll leader is Kinky Friedman, with 12 percent.

Kinky, for those unfamiliar, is a veteran Austin singer-songwriter and humorist whose talents in those areas are considerable. But in his foray into Texas politics in 2006, he was inept as a politician, made a gaping ass of himself in debate, and ultimately split the meager progressive vote here in a year in which Perry seemed a bit vulnerable (He won re-election with 40 percent of the vote against three challengers).

Rather than talking this horseshit about seceding from the union, Texans should be damned glad of the union. It's damned near the only thing that keeps us from becoming Guatemala.

Manifesto Joe Is An Underground Writer Living In Texas.