Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Baseball Campaign Ad That Democrats Should Run, But Won't

By Manifesto Joe

Here's the scenario:

FADE IN to a Major League baseball stadium. A game is under way, and it's in the later innings. A runner is on third base. A batter hits a fly ball to the right fielder. The right fielder zeros in on it and catches it like a first-rate pro. The runner tags up and goes for home plate. This outfielder has a rifle for an arm. But he throws the ball into the bleachers, and then does a victory dance, arms raised in triumph. The runner scores. Everyone in the stadium shakes their head. FADE OUT.

FADE IN: The right fielder comes to bat in the bottom half of the inning. There's a runner on first.

The right fielder nails a line drive into the left-center alley, and the ball goes all the way to the wall. It looks like a certain triple, and an RBI.

But the right fielder takes off in a sprint for third base, running the bases backasswards. The runner who was on first advances to second, but then pulls up, not sure what the hell to do.

The opposing team members look on in amazement when the right fielder rounds the bases, backasswards, with Ty Cobb aggression, and slides into first base, spikes up. Nobody will go near this fucking maniac, not even the umps.

FADE OUT TO BLACK. "A Voice" comes on, soft and fast, as in a disclaimer:

"Being able to get things done doesn't necessarily mean you will get them done right. The Republican Party has brought us George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, the Iraq war, Medicare cuts, and $4-a-gallon gasoline. They've done plenty, only backwards."

FADE IN, back to the right fielder aggressively sliding into first base from the wrong direction. "A Voice" again: "Don't you think we should change direction, and soon?

FADE OUT TO BLACK: "I'm Howard Dean, and I approved this message. ARRRRAAAAGGGHHHHAAAA!!!!

Manifesto Joe Is An Underground Writer Living In Texas.


Marc McDonald said...

Speaking of campaign ads, I saw on Keith Olbermann a mention of a new McCain ad that showed gas at $2.50 per gallon. Of course, a mega-millionaire like McCain, who owns 10 palatial homes (and who probably wouldn't even know how to go about pumping his own gas), probably has little idea of the day-to-day costs of life that the rest of us face.
Oh and one other thing: there's this neat new piece of technology in supermarkets these days called a "laser scanner."

Manifesto Joe said...

I was just commenting on a blog the other day about how McCain is resembling Bush the First, who was just amazed watching a cashier operate a bar-code scanner. Guess the staff hadn't told him about that.